For the first few days, he had a lot of questions. Questions I didn't necassarily have answers to. All of the 'getting ready' that I had done couldn't have prepared me to actually take on the day to day care of this kid.
For safety's sake, lets call him Anakin. Anakin is 15 years old, and is diagnosed as on the Autism Spectrum, ADHD, and FASD. Outwardly, he looks quite average. His cognitive level is somewhere around an 8 year old, although his social interactions are quite good. In school, he almost performs at grade level, with support. It is only at home that I truly see the broken little boy in that young mans body.
Anakin has been in foster care since he was 4 years old. Before that he lived with his parents, both addicts, and his younger brother. His dad is also diagnosed with FASD, as well as a physical disability. When Anakin was four years old, and his brother was only months old, their mother fatally overdosed, while their father was at work. The boys were alone with their mothers body for hours before their father got home from work. This was the point at which the children were removed the first time.
After she passed away, the boys were placed together in a stable loving foster home. The foster parents stabilized the boys, and uncovered a past of sexual abuse and neglect. The abuse was at the hands of a family friend. Over the next 8 years, their father was very involved, but had come to realize that he was unable to raise them. He agreed to have the boys placed for open adoption.
At age 13, Anakin and his 9 year old brother were placed for adoption in the home of a newlywed couple. She had 2 teenage children from her previous marriage, and he had none. It was at this point, that I became involved in their lives. The adoptive parents contacted me for support before the boys had even moved in. I started working with the family very casually. At first, we would share meals, play games, and talk about what was happening, and upcoming. After spending an hour with the whole family, I would spend the next hour with the parents. I would share my insights, listen to their fears and try to support them in any way I could.
It was in the very first visit that I noticed there was a problem. I don't recall the exact situation, but I recall the adoptive mother saying, "Of course I don't agree with it, but it is what the doctor told me to do. I'm not the doctor, I don't know anything!" This was the first sign I picked up on that this woman was not prepared to advocate for these kids. I remember almost yelling at her, that she needed to speak up for her boys.
I could write for hours, about the long downward spiral that this placement took, but I will spare myself the misery of reliving it. In summary, the adoptive parents turned out to be alcoholics, who would drink, not supervise the kids, put the kids in unsafe situations, neglect, emotionally abuse, and punish constantly. They were even punishing them with food. If they somehow wronged the family, they would not be allowd to eat meals with the family, and would only be allowed a peanut butter sandwich and water. It made me sick. I watched the collapse, as I waited for my multiple complaints to the social workers worked their way through the many stages of government, until finally, both boys were safely removed from the home.
I suppose that while I was dealing with the paperwork, the boys dad was dealing with it in his own way. He had been in touch with his sister, and convinced her to take the boys in. In our region, when a family member steps forward, who is both financially and emotionally capable of providing a safe and loving home, they have to be given the chance. So with that, both boys were shipped off to their aunty's house, 1000kms away.
Because this placement was across a provincial border, no one here is entirely sure what happened over there. But what we do know, is that within one month, both boys were no longer living with that aunt. Anakin went 9 hours north to live with her sister, and the younger brother was removed and taken into foster care there.
Four more months passed before I got the call. Anakin had finally reached his social worker here, and told her, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted to come back home.
In our area, the foster care system is so backed up, that every day children are left in dangerous situations because there are no open beds in the foster homes. Because of past behaviours, Anakin not only needed a foster home, he needed a foster home where he was either the only child, or the smallest child. At 5'11'', finding a home where he was the smallest was almost impossible. So they had to find him a new home, and I suppose that was me.
When I had spoken with the social worker in the past, I had always told her how my hear broke for these boys, and that I would do anything I could to help them. I guess she took that to heart.
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